July 25, 2005

Today is one of those days where it feels like so much went wrong, yet somehow God worked despite all of our insufficiencies and moments of disobedience. Let’s walk through it. I wake up slightly irritated and wanting to shut the world off. So, I plan a day to keep to myself and do my own thing. My first order of business is to go to the laundry to wash clothes – can’t find it, so I come back to find David and Kelly. I join them at the tea place with Nadine and Alan. Kelly, Nadine, and I are at a table, Alan and David another. I don’t really have much to say with Nadine so I zone out. Whenever I zone back in, I just become straightforward and almost blunt – not loving at all. I told her she had to forgive this guy who stole her cell phone or she would be bitter her whole life. Then she kept talking, I zoned out and told her to read Philippians 4:6-9, again very rude and basically said ‘you must obey’. Anyway, I left with Kelly to use the computers and somewhere in that time Nadine reaccepted Christ and Alan accepted. It’s things like this that make me wonder why God does things the way He does. He shouldn’t have used that conversation; He surely shouldn’t have used me with my heart so distant, so wayward, so unfeeling. Yet, that’s the thing – He does. Even now, it’s tough writing this, it just doesn’t seem right.

Speaking of which, Jimmy said something very telling yesterday before we went to the fellowship. We were talking about what we had learned this summer and he said that “God uses the weak things to shame the wise.” He said this in regard to Kelly and possibly David leading people to the Lord because they weren’t the typical missionary type. I don’t know, it’s just kinda makes your flesh boil when you hear such arrogance and foolishness. I’ll leave it at that.. One thing I do know is that God uses the weak and broken, the needy and castout to do mighty things for His name. So, it should be of no surprise at all that God chose to use David and Kelly in such powerful ways. As for me, I feel like my job is to keep the peace and listen to my brothers and sisters. I also get the impression God has been shaping me to go back to lead a group of Bible study leaders. Today taught me that sometimes you do need to be straightforward and tell people they must obey. I want our. I wan tour leaders to be doing the same – to pus their freshmen to obedience to love to service to Christlikness.

We have no idea what we’re doing… especially myself, especially in this life. I just read a letter by Carrie Tallichet summarizing everything we did over the past year. Somehow I lose track of it all, how did it work out that I met Joy Vick, who changed my life forever? I can’t imagine not leading a Journey Group or not coordinating this year. I am quite curious how God works it all together and what He will do with my life. I know that even my wildest dreams can’t imagine it. There is no way could ever come up with something that could trump God’s plan. I just don’t know. I really just don’t know anything. May I only continue to obey, to speak truth and show love to others, to seek and show forgiveness,and cling to God and aim to please Him in all I do. It’s all I want – simple things. Oh, we’ll maybe to finish my website – that would be very nice. My dad is right, I shouldn’t get carried away with all this Bible knowledge. Rather, I should be full of tenderness, compassion, love, service, and selflessness. I know I like to leave God out of the equation because I have appearing super spiritual.

There is something so about the way a woman uses her mouth, something so pleasant, so delightful. Speaking of women, I am so glad I ate with Dong Mei, Maria, and Kelly today. Dong Mei because it was nice to finally flush out all those annoying crush like feelings, Maria because she’s not Chinese, she’s something completely different. Griff would go crazy for this girl, beyond crazy. I can hear him growling now. And Kelly, well maybe not glad. I’m just afraid she might like me. I just hope it’s a brother/sister thing. I hope we don’t exchange AIMs. I don’t know

Random things that have been exciting me:

  • Integrating Picasa2 with WordPress
  • Making a DVD from all the summer photos
  • Updating and finalizing thetinymite
  • Building the loft, moving in, and finally living in a house!!
  • Seeing James, Griff, Carrie, and everyone else in Dallas
  • Finally picking up everything that’s on hold

That has been such a struggle. I’ve wanted to continue my life in Dallas while I’m still in China. It’s foolish, but I just don’t think I have the time to finish everything in time before school starts again.