Thursday July 7, 2005


Well, the past few days have been very introspective. I suppose now is a good time to pen exactly what has been going through my mind. Ok, I just interrupted myself because I needed to go talk to Ema about the conclusions of our male discussion. We concluded rather vehemently that our girls shop way too much. WAY TOO MUCH! and they want all these comforts that I had hoped to leave behind – to learn what poverty really is. Maybe there lies part of my frustration that this summer wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I know I longed to be broken, and I feel even more prideful than before. The one different thing is that I am better at making decisions, and I understand, no sorry, I have merely spent more time with women. I suppose they are not as difficult to understand when you realize they speak a whole different language. I seriously do not know how to bridge that gap between the two mindsets. Our guys see everything in a rational, logical, emotionless way, but our girls throw emotion into the mix. Leave it out! It’s a decision, emotion is not the most important part. Also, our women will not express how they truly feel.We know certain things upset us, but… I don’t know how I was going to finish that sentence. I got up to go to the bathroom.

Anyhow, I guess these disagreements make me long to find a lady who I can love. I’ll keep waiting, but until then, I’ll keep learning. Compromise. Oh, how important it is. I honestly thought God would teach me more by being with the Chinese. Instead, it has been our team, and all of our collective problems. Still, I don’t know how it will play out the rest of this summer. I hope God will break me as we change cities and our emphasis shifts to orphans. I don’t question my being here, I just wish our circumstances were different – living in a hotel in a country where many struggle to make ends meet, living a mile away from the students in a city with enough distractions for an entire summer. I know so much has been selfish and so much seems in vain. It bothers me so much, but still God worked and not all is lost. I guess this all sounds gloomy, and it really shouldn’t sound like this. God’s kingdom is being built up and we’re taking part in it.

In a few hours I am going to play basketball with Paul and Michael. I am very excited about it, since this could be my last time to see either one of them. Thankfully, we can e-mail each other, which is wonderful. I do hope God changes Paul’s heart this summer as he reads the Bible. May the Lord convince Paul of his sinfulness. Maybe, I’ll see Evan, Alexander, and the rest of the sophomores once again before I leave. I do love those guys very much and really enjoy being with them. Oh well, no more melodramatics.

FYI:
July 4th – Ribs, KFC celebration
July 5th – Ema’s birthday